Tonight seemed to be a rather "GODLY" evening. Feeling rather literate I picked up my "Mysteries of the World" book and got some good ancient Christian/Druid artifact and legend knowledge under my belt and was inspired enough to pick up the Annoted Bible Jesse got for his History of God class. Because I felt inspired enough to pick up the Bible for umpteenth time to attempt to read what the hype was all about I genuinely thought I would come across something wise or at least equally inspiring. Oh my, we are a creature asking for trouble, laid out in the fucking Bible! If I had not known what the Bible was and instead picked it up as though I wanted to read a piece of fiction, I probably would have been quite satisfied with the bizarre and unrealistically ridiculous depictions of human and worldly development. So, needless to say, I made it to the 3 verse of Genesis before deciding my brain cells were far too valuable for me to waste on this overbearing, man-glorifying testimony of the lowdown in back in the day. Jesus, save me from your father's book! And I'm sure in time I will be able to sit down and stomach the rest of the 3000 verses, however for tonight, I felt it was much better use to converse with the niece-creature about drugs and God and listen to some of my favorite underground music instead.
Today was probably longer than it was supposed to be, I felt. I had set out to do a few chores in town and it ended taking me twice to time to do half what I was supposed to, leaving me feeling like I'm accomplished SHIT! But I have; my pages are proofread and done and now waiting to be mailed tomorrow, once I finish a few minor details. But that's just it! The details! They're fucking crazy!
So I'm kinda hoping some certain individuals never see that blog post I wrote few nights ago, basically venting about the garbage bullshit politics of Guerneville. However I'm completely unwilling to give up my freedom to speak my mind (and honestly, it's not like it's something people don't NEED to hear, it's just not politically correct for ME to say it), so I'm taking that risk of them seeing it. Oh well.
I am often thinking that this strange thing, the Higher Power, is a key to helping me overcome my anxiety. So much of my anxiety got triggered when I started realizing how little control I have over most EVERYTHING in my life. Well then, what IS in control of all that? There's got to be SOME force behind the wheel keeping things on the straight and narrow. Oh, that's where the "GOD" thing comes in. But I have such a problem with that word; it has such a stigma in my life's history and I'm very uncomfortable using that word to describe something I feel doesn't deserve the stigma. Being of (supposed) Cherokee descent, I looked up the Cherokee word for "God" and found "U-nay Klah nah hey" (Creator of All Things). So "U-nay" is my little name for my Higher Power, for the moment. I identify much closer to the Native perspective on life, creation and the Universe than I do the Christian one.
So maybe if there is a hell, I'm probably gonna be there...only if I believe it to be true.
So tonight I'll leave you with some musicians I listened to tonight....I feel they're share-worthy.
Cookie Bumstead & The Lonesome Space Cadets (my nephew's band)
Cookie Bumstead! I know those kids! They're fun!
ReplyDeleteYeah the god thing. ugh. I swear, nothing like living around a whole shit-ton of 'christians' to move one closer to solid atheism. I'm hoping to return to a more spiritual perspective on life getting free of all these dogmatic jerks along with all the other awesomeness of the Mountain Town.