Six months worth of work plus 6 more months waiting for the finalizing process, I now have in my hands the book. This is the book; my book, our book, the book. It hasn't quite hit me yet. I want so badly to enjoy this moment, this 15 minutes of fame, and damnit! I deserve to fucking enjoy it! So why the awkwardness? Why the bashfulness? Why do I feel undeserving of this attention and yet I thrive on the compliments and such? Ugh! It's such a frustrating feeling not knowing how to act.
How DO I act? Grateful? Thankful? Proud? Shy? WHAT??!?!?!?!?!?! I don't have the skills for this set of emotions...
It's weird seeing my name on Barnes & Noble and Amazon. It's WEIRD because I feel like I've punched through the glass ceiling of my own making and I'm here where the "they's" belong. I'm one of the "theys" now? I don't know about that! Maybe what I'm most afraid of is enjoying the attention too much and experiencing the shock from when it's gone. I felt the same way after I had both kids, when the newborn excitement waned away. It's all so very strange.
So I'm settling down to being proud of myself and John for accomplishing this book; I'm also allowing myself to accept the praise and attention; it doesn't make me a vain person. We've set a date for an Author Event at River Reader, and I'm already getting nervous with the number of people showing up to this thing. My only concern really is what color Sharpie should I use?
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