Snow? In Sonoma County?

Well, while it wasn't the ordinary, fluffy white snow that one would expect (actually, it moreso resembled what it'd look like if a slushy-machine exploded), but it was fun! And since I still haven't figured out how to work the photos on blogger, we're going to start from the end...

That's me and my family. You can kinda tell that we were pretty fed up with the snow and looking forward to being back in the lower elevations that were at the time getting DUMPED on by loads of rain and hail. My poor boy (wearing MY new mitten-gloves) had decided to NOT wear socks on this excursion and suffered the consequences of cold-toes-syndrom. But I do have memories of him having a great time tumbling on his ass down the muddy-snowy hillside behind us, so I KNOW there's was more pleasure to the misery than this picture might suggest.

The collective snowman. Cute.
While I DID take a more "picture-frame worthy" photo of the lovely Lyons-Piazza family, this one makes me giggle my head off. All the children at this point were complaining about being cold and wet and hungry and it was just a JOY getting them to sit down long enough for a photo op.
Talk about being out of your element. Chihuahua + snow = paradox.
This is MUCH more fitting. I thought it was quite hilarious that my husband decided to wrestle the dog (looks more like mounting, if you ask me!) in order to distract her from the sudden and sad departure of her new friend, Eleanor.
And there the are. Eleanor and Diana. She SO looks like a puppy! (and maybe that's because she IS a puppy!!!)
I luvz this 'cause I just NAILED him and the remnants are dripping from his nose and beard. I TOTALLY look like I belong in the snow!
The view, looking West across Alexander Valley in NorthWest Sonoma County. Amazing day for perfect photos.
The group on the hill of death (watched them all ALMOST wipe out).
My little angel girl trying to do snow angels. Doesn't really work on slush, honey.
I LOVED this tree! It was so mysterious and creepy looking! I can't wait to see how my film shots of this tree turned out!
My friend Anya getting some footage of Daddy and Angel-girl riding the trashcan lid down a bunny slope.
Love this girl, she LOVED the snow. She looks like she belongs in the snow, too.
This one....eh, not so much. Pretty much hated my gutz for bringing her.
And here at the beginning...my foot prints, equally important as those that lay on the Moon (or in some Hollywood studio). All anxieties brushed aside, and I stepped foot in snow today and had a fantastic outing with my family and dear friends. Today was a good day.

Hump Day

When I first herd "Hump Day" I honestly thought it had something to do with people going home and humping each other....or something along those lines. It wasn't until my 72-year-old friend explained the concept to me when I understood that not EVERYTHING, although implied, has to do with sex.

So I was inspired today by the digthischick's Wednesday "Hump Day Nuggets" blog. I love how she was able to depict life's simplest tasks by way of creative captions on equally creative photos. So I though I'd give it a try...

Today's quintessential Northern California Weather was wrought with rain, then sun, then Hail, then sun, then rain, then strong gusts of wind, then overcasting clouds. It sure made for some extravagant photos, especially for my black and white film camera. I started the day looking out my window to see a freshly drenched Earth, sparkling with Sun as dark rain clouds loomed from behind.

So, with about an hour to kill until Jadziah and I had to head out for the day, we though of sneaking in a quick photoshoot; her with my digital, me with Schubert's Canon A-1 35mm. I managed to get a few really neat self-portraits in the mirror (finally!) while she goofed off with the Sony Cyber-Shot (the most expensive Point-n-Shoot I've ever made the mistake of purchasing). We had lots of fun, as you can see....

Jadziah strangling Diana.
Happy, Sleepy Papa.
Can't mistake it, she's have a blast!

But then it was time for work....which consisted of rain, LOTS of paperwork and Fish 'n chips from Andorno's...

Yes, that's a bag of candy my boss dumped on my desk. Nothing says "I appreciate you" like mini Snickers and MilkyWays all over your desk. :-)

Acutally, that's hail....but rain comes with it.

Not too bad a lunch. I shared my french fries with MaryJane and watched stupid videos as my "lunch break". Then the usual rush to get everything done before I'm done for the week. Thus concluding another day at the "another-day-another-dollar" factory.

Oh yeah, can't forget the "I'm a bad Chihuahua for taking a shit in your office right where you will step on it, but thankfully your boss nor tourists did" episode...Thanks, MJ!
Ah, a beautiful, swollen River. Shabaikai gained a whole 7 feet since last night! No worries, folks, there won't be any flooding this year....not unless we get a repeat of today for 3 days straight.
I get home, warm my hands on soft, children bellies (rode the bike home), then saw a blur of brown hair as husband said "See Ya!" and flew out the door (ok, maybe it didn't happen QUITE that way, but still, he was in a hurry to get out the door and on a break from the monsters). So we waved "Bye Daddy!" as we do everytime one of us departs our home (a tradition we've conveniently picked up from Ever After). Ten minutes later, Daddy returned and escaped to his mancave in the basement.
Now why would anybody want to run away from these little precious angels? Fortunately, photos cannot pick up sounds....otherwise, you'd understand. As I type this, they are wreaking havoc in their room, the little one screaming, the big one taunting. Geeze, no wonder parents go mad! Fortunately, we've got Apples 2 Apples, so that oughta take care of that pesky sound.

You can't tell, but it's raining like crazy out there! Such a beautiful sounds/smell/sight. Well, onto the last 1/3 of my day. Night folks! Happy Hump Day!

Pardon Me...

...if I burst into flames." - Incubus.

Anxiety tried getting her big, stupid ass back into my home yesterday, even after all my accomplishments the day before. I drove myself to Santa Rosa for the first time in 6 months. And I mean, By-My-Self, no dog, no kids, no hubby, no cell phone, NOTHING! It felt great! But the ongoing theme with this crap is that regardless of my big accomplishments, anxiety persists.

When we went to LA two years ago, I had sufficient anxiety about leaving my home. However, I pressed through and made it! I only had ONE moment of feeling "panicky" when we arrived, mainly because it registered in my mind just how far away from home I was. But then it faded and NEVER came back, and we had a blast! It was a fantastic family vacation and there are many positive memories surrounding the trip. Point being, after that trip, I felt like I could go ANYWHERE! I didn't have to fret about the distance or anything because I had made it that far before, and surely I would survive if I ever had to again. This, however, does not seem to be the case as of late...

I haven't read much about nervous breakdowns on purpose, because I still don't believe that is what happened to me. I definitely did some mental dismantling, but a complete breakdown does not seem to be the case. But I wonder WHY? Why does the anxiety persist even though I am making breakthroughs on a daily basis? Why? I often wonder if there is something wrong with my physically that is causing this; some sort of hormonal imbalance or something. Just SOME sort of explanation! But I know there isn't any...it's in my head, the chemicals in my head have worn a deep groove in my thinking processes and it's going to take a LOT of time, patience and mental strength to re-draw these thinking processes.

One thing that is stressing me out is finding us a new home. This is making me VERY impatient, because I no longer want to be on Section 8 or Food Stamps or MediCal....I want to be self-sustaining, not at the beck-and-call of these restricting Federal Programs. I've been searching for MONTHS, and to no avail. I recently wrote our landlords a letter asking for more time and saw her last Thursday. She said we need to get together and talk, that she got my letter as she was finishing up a letter to US, and that I had good timing, for our sake. What the heck does THAT mean? She called yesterday basically saying the same thing, keeping us on edge. I have a feeling of what they're going to say...but at this point, it doesn't matter. We need to find a new home; simple as that. And with ALL the people I know who are also looking for us, I'm amazed that there's STILL nothing out there. This is one of those "Let Go, Let God" moments, or else I'll drive myself NUTZ looking everyday.

Today I'm feeling fine. Strong, and confident, so long as I don't think about what I HAVE to do. I'm cleaning, getting the house ready for the inspection on Friday (not that the house would last that long ANYWAY). I wish I could find the damn button that will just make this all go away.....stupid elusive button.

I will keep myself...

...I will find a way." - Johnny Cash Hurt

In just 24 hours, I've rediscovered so many parts of myself that I let fall from me, mostly music, and disappear into the ether that is life. For so long, I've stretched towards becoming a normal, functioning, yuppy-type-A Mom and Wife; you know, the kind you just want to lay one on? The desire to be myself is becoming stronger and stronger and the more I pay attention, the more I realize that the me that myself wants to be isn't so bad, afterall. In fact, that ME is everything I've ever wanted to be, wrapped up in one little package; I just lost track of the package, kinda like UPS.

So much of me wants to experience LIFE; I want to be a dancer, a boxer, a fighter, a body builder; I want to rediscover lost stories in history and thrive on their richness; I want to play every game there is and laugh myself into oblivion; I want to photograph EVERYTHING and get paid to do it; I want to be my children's best friend; I want my husband to be mine once again; I want to embody the strength within; I want to step on the grassy field of Europe and feel the deep pulse of human history flow beneath me; I want to devour the rich and seductive stories of old, the philosophies of the ancients and blow bubbles with the romances of past kings and queens; I want to surround myself with my fellow members of the animal kingdom; I want to write great novels that inspire emotion in others; I want to step back into my soul's past and see the world through my ancient eyes; I am a warrior.