...I will find a way." - Johnny Cash Hurt
In just 24 hours, I've rediscovered so many parts of myself that I let fall from me, mostly music, and disappear into the ether that is life. For so long, I've stretched towards becoming a normal, functioning, yuppy-type-A Mom and Wife; you know, the kind you just want to lay one on? The desire to be myself is becoming stronger and stronger and the more I pay attention, the more I realize that the me that myself wants to be isn't so bad, afterall. In fact, that ME is everything I've ever wanted to be, wrapped up in one little package; I just lost track of the package, kinda like UPS.
So much of me wants to experience LIFE; I want to be a dancer, a boxer, a fighter, a body builder; I want to rediscover lost stories in history and thrive on their richness; I want to play every game there is and laugh myself into oblivion; I want to photograph EVERYTHING and get paid to do it; I want to be my children's best friend; I want my husband to be mine once again; I want to embody the strength within; I want to step on the grassy field of Europe and feel the deep pulse of human history flow beneath me; I want to devour the rich and seductive stories of old, the philosophies of the ancients and blow bubbles with the romances of past kings and queens; I want to surround myself with my fellow members of the animal kingdom; I want to write great novels that inspire emotion in others; I want to step back into my soul's past and see the world through my ancient eyes; I am a warrior.
Do it, baby! Beeeee yourself!!! Striving for the yuppy-type, good, middle-class mom thing... not only over-rated, but downright impossible for a whole fucking bunch of us.
ReplyDelete"We tried going straight. Now what?"
Dance! Travel! Photograph! Blog! Write! LIVE!!! I'm right there with you! And that's exactly what I thought I'd be doing when I married Jim at 22. That's what WE thought we'd be doing. We got scared. We went to school. We listened to society instead of our hearts. Tried again, as that dream hadn't died, when we left Seattle for the mountains of Virginia. That didn't exactly pan out... and we landed here, and Jim was sort of at the mercy of his dad, because his dad sent us the money to get here after a cluster-fuck of broken-down vehicles, out of money, nothing worked out as expected... ugh. Back to school, back to working for other people, not doing what our hearts were calling us to do. Shit has gotten nothing but more stressful and empty. SO! At 45 and 50, we STILL have the same dream.
DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE THIS OLD!!! GO DO YOUR THING!!!
You take awesome pictures! You can show your children the WORLD! You are creative and, I'm pretty sure, pretty fucking resourceful.
Here's another cool link to get your brain really revving with possibilities. Think of the photo blog you could do! Think of the places you could see!
http://www.familiesontheroad.com/fotr.html#trick
Just sayin'...
This is one of my fave sites to visit, see what folks are up to, check out pics from the conventions... there's one that's families on bikes too! This family
http://www.familyonbikes.org/
flew to freaking the north edge of Alaska, mom, dad, twin boys age 10? and got on their bikes. Two singles, one tandem, the boys took turns on the tandem with mom. After almost 2 years, they were in Peru, and had done all sorts of shit... swam with sea turtles in the Galapagos, eaten qui in Ecuador, all kinds of amazing things. The kicker? BOTH parents were teachers. They got so disenchanted with the system, they took both kids and themselves out of the game, and went out on bikes.
Another family, who Cassady saw their bike in Garberville last year, the had a 5 seater made, and left Kentucky with 3 girls, ages 2, 5 amd 7 I think, and under 300 bucks. They made it all the way across the country. Found ways to make money, met friends, and were in GARBERVILLE!!! From Kentucky!!! Here's their site:
http://www.pedouins.org/quint.html
And these people we met last summer, and spent a day with here.
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/39328391/ns/today-parenting/
They run a charitable organization called two wheel view, and they raise money to take teens on international bicycling trips.
Dude, there is so much out there! There are so many things a girl can do! The only limitations we have are truly the ones we place on ourselves.
I'm soooooo happy for you that you rediscovered a bunch of what makes you YOU. I know the feeling. I sooooo know the feeling. Just, like I said... Now is good. Don't tell yourself 'someday' for the next 20 years. The one regret I truly have in life is that I didn't just take the leap years ago, that my kids spent years in public school, or sitting at home watching cable while we worked, so we could live in a box and not be able to afford anything 'fun'. Like riding bikes, or buying an old bus, and hitting the road wouldn't have been as or more fun than going to the fucking art museum?! They could have seen the world. I remember encouraging Cassady, when she was pregnant, to get a camera, take some video classes at the community media center, put her kid on her back, and show him the world. Go fucking anywhere. Give him the giant planet, which is what I so wish I had done for them. If we'd've been counting butterflies in Brazil instead of waiting tables and selling bikes when they were 8 and 10... can you even imagine?! Holy shit. The mind fairly boggles.